Anonymous
My father died when I was 8, my sister 10 and my brother 13. My mother was from Italy, where men were more dominant towards women back in the Fascist times when Mussolini was still around. My brother has always been evil, vile and disgusting. I am 56 now.
After my father died, I became a punching bag, as did my sister, but mostly me. Because my mother was deeply entranced by my father’s death (and not in a good way), she just calmly let my brother beat us up mercilessly everyday. Alongside my sister, I got punched over and over again, had my head banged against the wall, slapped, kicked, screamed and sword at all the time and so violently beaten that I couldn’t even read at school. My body would ache all the time from all those beatings. Got beat up in the middle of the street, in front of friends for no reason whatsoever and forced to live in filth. My brother always screamed and swore at us so much that I had to take a butter knife with me when I was still 8 for protection and had even kicked him in the groin more than once for protection. Was thrown around room and bedroom door was broken down several times and had to get replaced. I can still see myself and my sister screaming our heads off and trying to hold up that bedroom door for protection as it was already broken down.
When I was 9, I wanted to kill myself, yet I also had to pretend I came from a normal family. Whenever I saw my brother walking up the street from school everyday, I would always shake and cry because I knew I would get beaten up. I can still see my sister getting her head beat in the bunk bed and screaming and crying in pain with my brother laughing at her. Or my brother whipping my sister with a belt in an attempt to keep her awake inside the car. Or getting my thighs slapped on the most tender spot of my legs, which would then burn over and over again, while my brother was screaming “Say you’re sorry!” to my face. i can recall begging my mother to let me get my ears pierced and getting a beatdown in order to get my ears pierced.
I was called every racial epithet and a “fucking cunt” my whole life that it was normal. My mother would always let my brother control everything in our home. After all, he lived there (and literally mooched off of her in his process) until he was 58 and constantly chased me and my sister out of the house with a meat cleaver when we were in our teens. That house was so filthy that he deliberately destroyed the home and there were so many rats, cockroaches, maggots, ants, flies, spiders, cobwebs, garbage and so much filth in the house; you could even see so much garbage strewn all over the floor in each room. He would urinate on the toilet seats in addition to defecating all over the place on purpose, even going so far into going number two in the bunk bed and making sure that everytime my sister and I would go to bed, we would always wake up covered in his feces every morning. I used to go to school filthy and stinky. The weeds in our house were like over six feet tall and people often made fun of us for living in a dirty house.
My mother never protected us. Everytime we ran up to her and begged her to please do something, she always chose him. She just stood there and let him control us and everything we did. We were never allowed to make noises or even do anything. She even had a TV in his room when we were kids (we always had to ask permission to go to his room). My brother would call boyfriends to take away my happiness and, thus, break up relationships when I was in high school.
Now that I am clean and comfortable and live thousands of miles away, they suddenly want to be in my life. I had to remodel my mother’s house and I am the one whom she wants to visit. When I think back on my life, I always feel like I just want to be left alone (Mother is now 82). I had spent the whole lifetime being put down and treated like an animal that when I eventually did well, they suddenly want to be in my life.
When I was 18 and wanted to go to college, I was discouraged. When I still graduated from college and then married well, they started acting like whatever I was forced to go through didn’t really matter. It took me a whole lifetime to find the right kind of love. All my life I was searching for love and never knew the reason i needed to be loved. Now that I am older, however, I can see why.
My sister left home and never looked back. Till this day, she has nothing to do with anyone in the family. Not that I blame her anyway because i know it’s just for the best. We all live our own lives, yet the family won’t seem to leave me alone. They had never wanted anything to do with me before; now they only want to be in my life for financial reasons or because of my husband’s position. My husband has been so verbally abused by my brother that he has been banned from our lives.
As a child, I couldn’t get any phone calls because my brother would pound the walls whenever my friends would call me; people couldn’t come over because he always fought with everyone in addition to torturing and killing animals, smoking weed, vandalizing people’s houses, burglarizing our neighbors’ houses, drinking alcohol and doing drugs. Nice friends either no longer wanted to be my friends or weren’t allowed to play with me; either way, my childhood was completely robbed. To this day, my brother is not sorry.
When my ex-husband was abusive to me and I had to come home for protection, i got screamed and sworn at by my brother, so I had to turn around and go back to the abuse in order to avoid hearing the yelling (this was when I still lived in the same state before I remarried and then moved thousands of miles away with my current husband in tow).
I had spent my whole adulthood being so forgiving and then one day, my brother came to my house and continuously taunted me, laughed at me and even bragged about all the stuff that he has done. My husband had to tell him over and over again not to talk about it anymore, since I go into depression. Didn’t really matter, however, because my brother just kept bringing up the breaking down doors part and literally enjoyed it.
To make this long confession short, it has been so embarrassing to have someone continuously take and take and take and never give back and use me and be abusive and enjoy abusing me.