I started started my CA journey in 2023 immediately after I completed my 12th grade. Foundation was extremely easy for me because mostly everything I studied in foundation was same as that my 12th portion except Law and I passed in Jan 2024 (65%) in the first attempt. I was happy that I passed thought I didn’t get the marks I expected I would get.
Then I started my intermediate preparation in the same institute where my friends were and that was the biggest mistake I ever did.
I couldn’t understand what they were teaching and even though I got my doubts clarified with my friends I wasn’t entirely convinced with their teaching. Then I started buying recorded classes from outside which was really helpful for me in the beginning. I didn’t stop the offline classes that I was going bec I had classes only from 7 to 1pm also I didn’t have the courage to tell my friends bec they are pretty judgemental and it was the 1st time I got a group of friends after a long time and I didn’t want to lose it also I didn’t want to disappointed my parents about talking my studies so I kept my mouth shut abt it. Then came the actual problem, I started having classes from 6 am till 4pm and I used to come home by 5/5:30pm as my house is far away from the institute also I used to go and come back in my scooter so by the time I came back I used to be totally exhausted and I couldn’t revise or study from the recorded classes and they started to overlap on each other as a result to distract myself from all these issues I started to get addicted to my phone and it got worse and in April mid of 2024 I was totally fed up of me that I broke my phone to pieces it was a brand new phone and it hasn’t been a year ever since I got it. Then after a few seconds I was extremely guilty of what I did I couldn’t stop my tears. As a punishment my parents decided not to buy me a phone till I complete intermediate but they didn’t know the reason as to why u broke my phone.
Then I started using my tablet for study purpose and as days went by I couldn’t balance both and portions started to accumulate a lot and I could focus on the recorded or offline classes anymore. To over come this I again started getting addicted and this time to YouTube, Netflix, movies and so on…. And it got worse.
I was diagnosed of OCD back in my 12th grade but my parents didn’t pay much attention to it as it was a tabbo topic to them.
The offline classes ended on sept 2024 and at that time I had an extremely strained relationship with my friends bec they all are extremely studious and I became a part of the group in foundation because I was a studious person but as I was not studious in intermediate our friendship strained a lot, even when I confronted them they said it wasn’t like that. They never helped my or supported me in my journey (intermediate) unfortunately even when I looked visibly disturbed to them.
I had my study holidays from sept to dec 2024 and my intermediate exams were in Jan 2025.
I had a huge load of portions to cover and I kept on procrastinating until November 2024 when I finally started to study. I studied for like 12-15 hrs a day from the 1st of November till 5th of November and I got burned out extremely bad. I started hiding under my bed, stay in the dark, won’t talk or look at my parents, couldn’t sleep or eat, stay sad and angry all the time and cry non stop.
My parents noticed something was extremely wrong with me and took me to my councillor and she gave a list of tests that I should attend and after attending it I was diagnosed with OC (without the D), early stages of depression, sever anxiety, ADD (without the H) and so on…
My parents felt extremely bad for me and I decided to give myself a break and heal myself and start my CA intermediate journey from scratch. When I told my friends that I won’t write in Jan 2025 they were like okay and then that’s it, they were least bothered about why I didn’t write the exam. Which was extremely hurtful for me because I had the exact same kind of friends back in my school (worse than them) and they know the whole story and it’s because of that I don’t trust people or talk with people easy still they were just like some bunch of 0.01% top A+ hypocrite ppl.
Only then I realised that they actually became my friends after hearing my 10th and 12th marks. I studied in CBSC and I scored 98% and 94% respectively.
I felt like shit that I was just the same kind of naive and dumb person since my school days.
Then I started studying my taking medications. But unfortunately I could study for only 5-7hrs per day which is were disheartening because I’ve my exams in May 2025.
Then I decided to write only one group (group 2) in may.
I’ve finally come out of my phone addiction now and have started to study something nowadays but my mother unfortunately doesn’t acknowledge it and just focuses on the time that I wasted and not on the time that I focused on and she keeps on nagging me bec of it.
When I burst out because of it, that’s it she bursts into tears and asks sorry repeatedly which pains me very much.
If anyone talks anything related to CA or CA exams or my friends, my mood is completely gone for the day.
I get mood swings pretty often lately and trying my best to cope up with it.
Finally, should I be happy abt what I’ve accomplished now which I haven’t been able to accomplish in the past few years or should I be sad about what I haven’t been able to accomplish for the past few years? I don’t know
Ig time will teach me that lesson and hopefully I will move on from this phase soon…❤️🩹❤️🩹