The Neuroscience of Love: The Brain’s Role in Romance

Why does love make us feel so alive, yet act so irrationally?

One of the most widespread emotions that human beings feel is (romantic) Love. As popular in folklore as it is in modern pop songs, love has been shaping the way humans live for thousands of years. But what exactly is love? Why does it have the power to start wars and drive people to do things they would never do otherwise? What really drives the behaviour we exhibit when we’re in love? Are some of the most famous stories in the world fiction, or can love truly drive people to do astounding things?

The answer to these questions lies behind the neuroscience of love.

The most common imagery people relate to love is the feeling of “butterflies in your stomach” (nervousness), cheeks blushing and increased rate of breathing. These effects are caused by the hypothalamus, the structure in the brain that is responsible for physiological changes that take place.

The Brain Areas involved in love

When a person is passionately in love, one of the primary areas of the brain that is stimulated, known as the Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA) is responsible for wakefulness, attention, feelings of motivation, increased libido and seeking rewards. People in love may seem more focused and able to concentrate, and get about their day with more motivation. This area also has dopamine pathways. Dopamine is crucial for the feeling of pleasure, which means that VTA is an important area for pleasure. The hypothalamus is also stimulated, which is responsible for the sex drive, and so chances are that being in love can improve a person’s sex drive!

Oxytocin, commonly known as the ‘Love Hormone’, is responsible for the feeling of trust and reduces social anxiety and fear. Oxytocin is the hormone released by the brain during sexual activity, and may be the neurochemical mechanism that is responsible for alleviating anxiety during sexual activity. When a person is in love, we also witness deactivation in particular areas of the brain such as the parieto-temporal-occipital region, which is responsible for our perception of our position in space; this is the area that helps us separate ourself from others. This can lead to blurring the lines between oneself and one’s partner, and result in a “we” feeling.  Another area that is deactivated is the prefrontal cortex, which is crucial for decision making, logical thinking and visualisation. This could explain why people may seem irrational or illogical in love, and do things that others may think are crazy.

Since Oxytocin greatly increases feelings of trust towards another person, new romantic partners (who are passionately in love) tend to trust each other without thought of future consequences. Oxytocin secretion in the body greatly increases during sexual intercourse, and so it is often not very advisable to talk about topics where it is possible to be exploited, for example, financial matters in bed.

Stimulation of some receptors in the brain makes love seem rosy to those experiencing it. It erases negative memories and promotes wellbeing. The effect of this is strengthening of positive memories and good experiences. When you're in love, small, thoughtful gestures from your partner—like bringing you coffee in the morning or texting you a sweet message during the day—can feel particularly special. This heightened sense of happiness isn’t just in your mind; it's tied to brain activity that reinforces positive memories and enhances your overall sense of wellbeing.

The Gender Difference

Interestingly, when people first fall in love, men and women may experience changes in their typical behaviors. For men, there’s often a decrease in competitiveness and an increased desire to focus on one partner, making them more attentive and less prone to aggressive behavior. In women, the opposite shift can occur—they might feel bolder and more willing to take risks, which can help deepen a new relationship. Both of these changes support bonding and can make people feel more connected to each other in the early stages of love.

Conclusion

‘Falling in Love’ can actually be a great feeling to those experiencing it- there are literal changes occurring in their brains that make it a good experience that one craves. As humans, we seek connection and closeness to others, and the changes that occur in our brains as we fall in love reflect that. Some of the areas stimulated when we’re in love are responsible for trust, libido, pleasure, decision making, attention and motivation. It is important to remember however, that just as too much of anything may be harmful, too much love may also have undesirous consequences, and could result in jealousy and addiction.

Love may be super complex, but its effects on the brain might just be worth it.