Conversations with a Graduate student- gap years, academic success and uncertainty.

A note from the author- as I near the end of a major milestone in my academic journey, I am faced with a lot of uncertainty about where to go from here. Many of my classmates too, are in the same boat; the doubt and question of “What next?” is on all our minds. I turned to a trusted friend who went through many of the same experiences for advice, and it was so helpful that it turned into an interview. It really helped me, and I hope that it may help you.

The following is an excerpt from an interview with Maya*, who after having graduated recently, has been working in the field of Marketing. Maya faced a lot of career uncertainty in her final year of undergraduate study and describes her journey since then. She studied Computer Science in her undergraduation and later went on to work in Marketing.

*name changed for privacy

Did you always know that marketing is what you wanted to get into? How did that fall into place for you?

“Not at all. I had spent most of my high school and undergraduation being sure that I would go on to do Computer Science. It was only in the final few months of my degree that I realized that although I did enjoy computer science, I didn’t want to continue in the same field, and that realization completely threw me off-balance.”

How did you deal with that realization and how did it impact you going forward?

“My entire world-view shifted. Almost all my life I had an idea of myself as someone who achieved highly in academics and was sure of what she wanted. Even in college I was doing very well, and I ignored the feelings of boredom and the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. It was only much later after many conversations and thought that I realized that I didn’t have to stick to a decision I had made almost 5 years ago, when I was a kid. A lot had changed since then. Realizing that threw my whole life off-track for months. I was suddenly unsure of where I stood academically, because overnight I had lost years of my plans. I found that I was interested in so many things and that I didn’t know for sure what I wanted to do if not computer science. There were simply too many options, and every day I would just freeze up instead of researching the different options. I was not even able to push myself to explore the different options because the stress was too much for me to bear, so I just pushed it away every day. It was like I was stuck in a limbo- I wanted to have clarity but couldn’t take any action that would give me that clarity. Eventually the deadlines for applications began approaching and I hadn’t applied anywhere yet. Me, a model student who should have had a plan spanning at least the next 2 years. Nobody even believed me when I said I hadn’t applied yet. In a panic I began applying wherever I could in all the different fields I was interested in, without even knowing for sure what I was interested in.”

And did you get in?

“Yes! I got into most places I had applied to, but finally I decided not to go. I didn’t see a point in half-heartedly attending university for a course that I wasn’t even sure about. And besides, after 15 years of continuous education, I was honestly really exhausted. I didn’t particularly need the break, but I did want it. I wanted to be able to have a clear mind and clarity of thought about what I wanted going forward. So I took the year off.”

What did you do in the break year?

“I explored the different options that I was interested in. I applied to intern in different fields and spent a couple months doing different things. I can’t say that I enjoyed every job or internship, but it did give me a better idea on what kind of work suited me and vice versa. In the months that followed my graduation from college I was slowly able to breathe more freely; the idea of a ‘successful student’ in my head was starting to change. I used to be my own harshest critic and for a very long time believed that I would be a failure if I didn’t have my life sorted, but I started realizing how wrong I was. I couldn’t fail as long as I was trying my best and just living my own life. I was still smart, I just needed a little time to get some more clarity, and that was fine. Life happens. I also realized another thing that really saddened me- most of my friends at the time were in the same situation I was in, and yet the way I spoke to them and the suggestions I gave them were so different from the ones I gave myself- I was so much kinder and more flexible about their suggestions.

So why not for myself, I thought?

Eventually, one of the internships (marketing) offered me a permanent job, which I accepted. I found that I really loved marketing and fit in nicely in the workplace. I’m not stopping my education, though. I know how important it can be to continue studying, so I’m applying again this year, but this time with a clear idea about what I actually want to do.

After my undergrad, I was ambitious but had nowhere and nothing to put that ambition into, but now I have a clear path and goals that I want to achieve.

Were there people that helped you in this phase of your life?

“Yes! I don’t think I could be as content in my life today if I did not have my parents’ support. If they ever pushed me to make a decision it was out of concern for my education, but mostly they gave me support and trusted that I could make my own choice. We had so many conversations. Honestly I was really scared because I thought I wasn’t amounting to anything, and I remember my mother once told me, “Success is not just marks on a paper. Real success in life is being able to adapt to whatever comes your way”. My father always encouraged me to take life lightly, as though it was just levels in a video game.

I had a lot of really good friends at the time too- they listened to me and validated a lot of my struggles and feelings. They gave me the kind of support I was giving to others. I guess sometimes it’s easier to be kinder to others than to yourself.

Do you have a message for our readers?

If there’s anything that these experiences in my own life taught me, it’s that life is not just 1s and 0s. It’s about being able to adapt, as my mother said. I’m so much happier now than I was back when I finished my undergrad, and I really believe that it’s because I gave myself time to understand what I truly wanted without pressuring myself. A break year may or may not be suitable for you and your situation, but if you find yourself in a stressed out, messy and broken headspace like I was, take some time off in whatever way you can to figure it out. Talk, talk, talk to people. Talk to others in the fields you're interested in. Go out there and really explore. There’s no one single concept of success in this world, that’s what I’m slowly realizing. I’m realizing that success can also be clarity of thought, successful close relationships and then a scholarship to college!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t box yourself in. Keep your mind open to everything, try as many things as you can. You have this one life, and it’s really too short for you to worry too much.

A note from the author- No experience can teach us nothing. Academic uncertainty is in no way academic failure, rather it is an arrow that may launch us to where we were always supposed to go. It's okay if every plan isn't 100% set out already, because that leaves you with so much more you can do! Life is full of opportunities and to go through it with peace of mind, happiness and resilience may be the biggest success of them all.