The art of being alone, but not lonely.

There may be days when we feel lonely, even when surrounded by our loved ones, and thinking that others are only there to take advantage of us. All by ourselves in a lonely room, and no one with whom we could share our true feelings, the only voice we can hear is our own.

What does loneliness really mean?

Loneliness is the state of feeling deprived due to lack of emotional support and connection.

We sometimes confuse the differences between being alone and being lonely. While some people may find solitude in being alone, others may experience loneliness even when surrounded by others. The quantity of friends one has does not determine how lonely they are; rather, it’s about how much they are being seen, heard, known and understood by others. One might easily romanticize their life with themselves while they are physically alone and not with others, which is what it means to be alone. NOTE, it is not necessary that being in solitude with oneself will lead to feeling of loneliness. According to the UK campaign to end loneliness, more than half of lonely people simply miss having someone to laugh with. Their research also showed that simply being together with someone is missed most of all (52%), and 46% miss having a hug. Older people experiencing loneliness also miss simple everyday moments, such as sharing a meal (35%), holding hands (30%), taking country walks (32%), or going on holiday (44%).

Who among us is not lonely? Yet, we behave as if everything in the life is normal.

 Amit Malik, Co-Founder and CEO of Innerhour, notes: “There are so many determinants of loneliness that are expanding in India whether that is family structure, age, marital status, financial well-being all independently contribute to loneliness. And, as we enhance our socio-economic indicators, loneliness will also continue to expand.”

Loneliness is declared a health epidemic in US, it is as deadly as daily smoking. Being alone can be one of the hardest things we've ever experienced, and it can have negative influence on our mental, emotional, and physical health. When we are experiencing loneliness, our levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, goes up and it impacts our cognitive performance, compromises the immune system, and increase the risk for vascular problems, inflammation and heart disease. Furthermore, it puts people at greater risk for anxiety and depression, and also increases the possibility of dementia by 50%, stroke by 32% and heart disease by 29%. The risk of premature death from heightened isolation is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and may be even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity, according to the report. Still, studies show that 20% of people who feel lonely or isolated do not recognize it as a major problem, according to the advisory.

No man is an island; as social beings, we all want deep connections, whether they be in form of romantic relationship or friendships that makes us feel seen and heard.

Loneliness is not the end of the world. If you think that you will be lonely forever, let me tell you this is not true. My mother frequently played me this beautiful song "Ruk jaanaa nahiin tuu kahiin haar ke

Kaanton pe chalake milenge saaye bahaar ke…

O raahii, o raahii…O raahii, o raahii…” which means to keep moving forward despite the obstacles in your way, keep going, keep going, and the end result will be fruitful.

Check out these few effective methods for overcoming loneliness:

a)   Reflect on what caused it:  Making time to reflect on what has caused loneliness to persist is an important first step in helping to work out what might help shift these feelings. Writing thoughts down can be useful; it helps to take your time and work through the negative thought patterns, which can give you a sense of control.

b)   Spend some time outdoors: Spending regular time outdoors, with or without other people, can help to ease feelings of loneliness. Stepping into a garden or balcony, or even looking out of a window can provide a sense of connection with nature and can promote physical and mental well-being .

c)    Keep yourself engaged:  Activities can provide distraction from negative thoughts such as simple pastimes like reading, listening to the radio, or doing puzzles to more creative interests like gardening, arts and crafts and singing. It gives a sense of purpose and can help manage loneliness and improve wellbeing.

d)   Focus your thoughts:  Actively focusing on the positive and developing a sense of optimism can affect wellbeing and can be practised as a coping mechanism. This includes identifying what brings pleasure in your current situation as well as thinking back to the past with a focus on the good times

e)    Be open about it:  Talking about loneliness as well as other emotions can be difficult. Knowing that loneliness is something everyone experiences at some point can help to normalise the feelings and make them easier to talk about. As can knowing loneliness can arise from circumstances out of our control rather than because of personal failure. We also know that making the effort to initiate small moments of connection can distract from loneliness and have the potential to develop more meaningful connections or re-ignite old ones.

f)     Seek professional help: Seek out professional help if you can and if you think you may benefit from it. As stated above, feeling lonely can sometimes be an indicator of other things as well. A therapist can help you work through this and develop better strategies for reconnecting with others, and yourself.

And don’t forget to keep in mind that loneliness will pass, despite how overwhelming it may feel right now, and you can always reach out for extra support.

Make vulnerability and self-awareness your superpowers.